THE TEN COMMANDMENTS FOR OUR TIME
Queen Bishop of Rehu-l
1. Thou shalt have no other gods before the gods of political
correctness, postmodernism and materialism. Thou shalt love the last
of these gods with all thine heart, and shalt pretend to love the
other two equally.
2. Thou shalt not make for thyself a graven image, or any likeness of
anything that is in the known universe. Thou mayest sculpt rock and
twist metal into distorted shapes, and thou mayest daub paint on
canvas, and thou mayest name these things after the name of anything
in the known universe, but any likeness there shall not be.
Otherwise, they shall not sell.
3. Thou shalt not take the name of any minority group in vain,
neither shalt thou take the name of Jacques Derrida & Co in vain.
Thou hast no need to understand anything of either.
4. Observe the sabbath day, to keep it filled with fitness-inducing
leisure pursuits or income generating activity. Six days shalt thou
labour and do thy work, and seven if necessary, but watch thy
5. Honour those who parented thee by persuading them into the most
expensive retirement village they can afford. Become not a 'carer' in
thine own home, so that thy days may be prolonged, and that it may go
well with thee, in the six-bedroom (two with ensuite), double-garage
house which thy one true god should have provided by now if thou hast
kept these commandments.
6. Thou shalt not kill except in the name of thy government or if
thou hast an excellent lawyer.
7. Thou shalt not adulterate the history or culture of any minority
group with outmoded Euro/phallocentrism. This will ease thy
conscience so that thou mayest avoid all concrete expressions of
8. Neither shalt thou steal, unless thou art feeling particularly
oppressed that day. Thou mayest, however, commit crimes galore in the
name of business, government and/or if thou canst afford an excellent
9. Thou shalt bear false witness against thy neighbour only by
innuendo, unless thou workest for a newspaper with an excellent legal
10. Thou shalt not waste time coveting thy neighbour's spouse: go for
it. Thou shalt covet thy neighbour's house as much as thou likest;
also his/her patio and swimming-pool, his/her au pair, his her
thoroughbred race-horse, his her pedigree dog or anything that is thy
neighbours. Thou shalt check out local laws carefully, however,
before admitting to coveting his ass.